Hmm... couldn't sleep so went around reading some blogs and found some feel to blog again so... why not? I don't know how long I'll be able to continue with this this time, but let's say this will be my temporary outlet of feelings.
Well... you know some days where you just sit there and think about life? A day where you do nothing but just think. So I'm having one of these days. Thinking. About what? Nothing. I'm thinking about something, and that something is... nothing. I always get these thoughts. Thoughts of nothingness, but they still do exist. It's weird, it's like I'm thinking about something blank... and that's when my imagination starts to run in and feel this nothingness with seemingly something, but there's still nothing.
A blank mind. I'm seemingly just staring into space, and my brain seems shut down. But I'm thinking. I feel something when I think nothing. I call this feeling nothing, because I don't know what it is. It isn't like any other feeling where you feel surges of joy or anger, there's nothing. I was watching a drama series yesterday and one of the characters had this condition known as Alexithymia. It's a condition where a person seems devoid of any emotion because they are functionally unaware of their emotions. Naturally, they also do not sense the emotions of others and do not understand the feelings of others. I definitely wouldn't classify myself as a patient of such a condition, but I'll like to define myself as of a certain similarity when I'm in this state of mind: devoid of emotions. It's like... you enter a different world. A world of emptiness. A world of nothing. Blank thoughts, no feelings.
Sometimes I like that feeling. I'm alone, in my own world. In my own world of thoughts. Blank thoughts. I get to clear my head with this nothing-ness. It refreshes my mind, and refreshes my emotions. Maybe you can term this as a clean-up of my mind. Thinking of nothing replaces all the previous weird thoughts. It's like I get to start anew with another new emotion. I like to think of it as something where I feel sort of like a sense of belonging.
Many at times I start keeping quiet in the middle of conversations or when I'm doing something to have such thoughts. They just come, and I just think. Seemingly about something, but nothing in particular. People often ask if I'm okay, yeah sure I am. I'm just thinking. People then ask, about what? Nothing. I'm thinking about nothing. Just thinking... about some of these blank thoughts.
Labels: emotions
